The Conqueror the Size of a Teaspoon
Arrival
The silver pod did not so much crash as it “plipped” into a potato field outside a sleepy French village. It hissed, steamed, and then opened like a metallic tulip. Out stepped General Splixnar the Indomitable, whose entire body weighed about as much as a strawberry.
He stood three centimeters tall, gleaming in his Zyrillion war armor — a ceremonial cape (borrowed from a thimble-sized imperial drapery), a vibrating sword barely larger than a sewing needle, and a helmet with a visor shaped like a disco-ball walnut.
“Earth!” he roared in a squeaky yet amplified voice. “Prepare to tremble beneath my unstoppable might!”
The only response came from a nearby cow, who blinked, chewed, and produced an underwhelmed “moo.”
His Grand Strategy
Splixnar had been promised an easy victory. His scouts reported “primitive bipeds, low technology, ripe for domination.” What they had failed to mention was the size discrepancy. The Earthlings were hundreds of times taller, heavier, and stronger than he had anticipated. But Splixnar believed in the power of strategy over brute force. He would simply adapt.
He set up Command Base Delta-1 beneath a dandelion, stringing cobweb filaments into antennae, building his throne from a broken bottle cap, and ordering his two micro-drones to patrol the area.
Plan A: Mind Control
Splixnar’s first move was pure psychological warfare. Using the Brainwave Dominator, a device the size of a button battery, he targeted the nearest human: Gérard the farmer.
His war diary recorded the event:
“At 22:05 local time, I fired the Dominator at Subject Gérard. Expecting immediate kneeling and cries of submission.”
Instead, Gérard sneezed, rubbed his neck, and muttered about mosquitoes. Then, in an absentminded gesture, he flicked at the buzzing noise — sending Splixnar somersaulting into a puddle.
The General crawled out, dripping mud. “The Dominator… underpowered. Need recalibration. Also: humans flick.”
Undeterred, he tried again the next night with the farmer’s dog. The dog wagged its tail, sniffed Splixnar curiously, and tried to lick him. Splixnar barely escaped being drowned in saliva.
Plan B: Terror Tactics
If the humans couldn’t be controlled mentally, perhaps they could be cowed by fear. Splixnar used his microscopic laser engraver to carve chilling warnings into leaves:
- “SURRENDER NOW, EARTHLINGS!”
- “OBEY GENERAL SPLIXNAR OR FACE PLANETARY ERASURE!”
He strategically placed them near the farmhouse door.
The farmer’s children discovered them first. Thinking they were from woodland fairies, they glued the leaves into a scrapbook titled “Magical Garden Notes.” One even wrote in purple crayon: “Thanks, fairy!”
Splixnar fumed. He engraved a final leaf: “I AM NOT A FAIRY!” but they glued that one in too.
Plan C: Recruiting Local Allies
Having failed with humans, Splixnar turned to the native fauna. Ants, he reasoned, were disciplined, numerous, and aggressive — ideal foot soldiers.
He marched into a nearby anthill, unfurling a holographic projection of his face.
“I offer you the chance to join my glorious empire! Serve me and—”
The ants swarmed him instantly, mistaking his shimmering cape for a dropped candy wrapper. Splixnar managed to escape but lost one of his drones to their queen.
Next he tried ladybugs. They listened politely but refused, citing “existing obligations to aphid management.” A particularly large spider seemed interested in the alliance… then lunged at Splixnar and tried to cocoon him. Only his vibrating sword saved him from becoming a snack.
His notebook now read: “All insects unreliable. Ants = greedy. Ladybugs = bureaucratic. Spiders = predators.”
Plan D: Direct Assault
In a moment of frustration, Splixnar attempted a frontal attack on Gérard’s tractor. He attached a magnetic bomb to the wheel, timed to detonate dramatically.
It did detonate — but at the scale of a champagne bubble popping. The wheel didn’t even wobble. Gérard assumed he’d run over a stick.
Plan E: Symbolic Dominance
Out of options, Splixnar scaled the farmer’s garden gnome and planted a Zyrillion flag (a toothpick with aluminum foil) in its plaster hat. The next morning the farmer’s wife noticed it and said, “How adorable,” thinking one of the kids had done it. She repainted the gnome, burying the flag under a fresh coat of acrylic paint.
Splixnar’s flag was now entombed forever — a micro-monument to his humiliation.
The Epiphany
Night after night, Splixnar stood atop the garden gnome, looking at the human world towering over him. He realized Earth’s creatures weren’t resisting him because they were brave — they simply didn’t even know he was there. His weapons were insignificant, his warnings unreadable, his very existence an unnoticed speck.
And yet, humans were oddly generous. The farmer’s daughter had once left him a breadcrumb. The dog wagged at him like a friend. Even the ants had spared him after stealing his drone.
“Perhaps,” Splixnar muttered, “my destiny is not to conquer but to… coexist?”
Plan F: The Pivot — Helping Instead of Conquering
With his advanced nano-technology, Splixnar began solving micro-problems:
- Using atomic lasers to sterilize kitchen counters of bacteria.
- Unclogging pipes by dissolving mineral buildup at a molecular level.
- Removing dust mites from mattresses overnight.
- Repairing the farmer’s radio antenna using spider silk and nanobots.
Within weeks, the household had mysteriously fewer pests, cleaner water, and fewer illnesses. They began referring to their unseen helper as “Le Petit Fantôme du Potager” — the Little Garden Ghost.
Splixnar built a modest throne from a wine cork and lived comfortably in a matchbox palace under the dandelion.
The Twist Ending
He wrote a book (via encrypted interstellar email) titled “How to Conquer the World by Giving Up on Conquering It.” It became a cult classic among the Zyrillion elite, sparking a new movement called “Micro-Imperialism by Kindness.”
Splixnar had not enslaved Earth — but Earth had unwittingly adopted him. And in the grand, strange calculus of the universe, he had won.
👾 Tiny general, big lesson:
Sometimes the greatest conquest is kindness. 👾
Note:
Thank you for reading “The Conqueror the Size of a Teaspoon”! This is a story in a series created for avid readers and English learners who want to enjoy captivating tales while practicing their language skills. Stay tuned for more stories and language tips to enhance your journey!
Explore more short stories in English and Spanish by visiting the section:
Short Stories / Cuentos Cortos
When the world feels dull, your mind restless, or your heart heavy, let a story be your escape. Just one page, one sentence, one word—and suddenly, you’re somewhere new, where imagination breathes life into the ordinary and turns the simplest moments into magic.
“Liked it? Smash that like button! 💥❤️”
The English Nook 
Leave a comment