☄️ The Asteroid Who Decided to Land ☄️
A Deeply Confused and Hilariously Absurd Space Oddity
Once Upon a Time in the Left Corner of the Universe…
There once was an asteroid named Gorgonzulo.
Not “Gorgonzola,” like the cheese. No. Gorgonzulo. A proud, oddly pear-shaped chunk of space rock with a slight spin problem and the deep, burning desire to land.
Yes, land. Not crash. Not explode in a blaze of extinction-level drama like his overachieving cousin, “The One That Got the Dinosaurs.” No, Gorgonzulo didn’t want that kind of fame.
“I want to land gently,” he told the Moon once during a flyby. “You know… gracefully. Like a feather. But, uh… rockier.”
The Moon said nothing. Because the Moon doesn’t do encouragement. It just sulks and reflects things.
Phase I: The Quest for Gentle Gravity
Gorgonzulo started his journey with purpose. With absolutely no arms, legs, engine, or aerodynamic features, he hurled himself across the solar system in search of a place to land softly.
First, he aimed for Saturn. Those rings? They looked like a landing pad! But when he got closer, he discovered they were just made of tiny ice pebbles and disappointment.
“Too crunchy,” he muttered, spinning away.
He then tried Jupiter, but was almost swallowed whole by a storm larger than Earth and what might have been a floating jellyfish opera.
“Too loud,” he coughed, and tumbled off.
Then there was Uranus, but he couldn’t stop giggling at the name long enough to land.
Eventually, after ricocheting off Mars and accidentally slapping a satellite belonging to Kazakhstan, Gorgonzulo set his rocky sights on… Earth.
Phase II: Approach Earth. Do Not Panic.
He practiced his landing speech:
“Greetings, Earthlings. I come in peace, and at approximately 12 km/h.”
He rehearsed his descent technique, which mostly involved imagining he was a large pigeon and then failing miserably at it.
Earth, however, noticed him.
Alarms blared. Telescopes pointed. Scientists argued. Children named him “Boomy.”
World governments scrambled missiles. Spiritual influencers posted things like:
“If an asteroid chooses YOU, it’s a sign. Burn sage and eat kale.”
Meanwhile, Gorgonzulo was trying to politely brake by screaming at clouds and flapping imaginary wings.
“Slow down! Slow down! Be a nice rock!”
Phase III: The Absurd Landing
When he finally arrived, it wasn’t with a bang… but with a boing.
Instead of crashing, Gorgonzulo bounced. Off a trampoline in a Florida backyard, to be precise. He landed squarely between a flamingo-shaped pool float and a cooler full of Fanta.
The homeowners, the Johnson family, stared at the slightly steaming space rock as it jiggled awkwardly, trying to wiggle itself upright like a turtle with too many opinions.
“Can I stay here?” Gorgonzulo asked.
He had no mouth, yet somehow the thought was felt… deeply.
Mrs. Johnson blinked. “You want a towel?”
Phase IV: A New Life on Earth
Gorgonzulo became a minor celebrity.
Children painted googly eyes on him. Someone made a documentary called “The Rock Who Rolled In”. He hosted a mildly successful podcast about gravity, though no one really understood a word.
He opened an Etsy shop selling “cosmic advice” on postcards. Most were just craters with glitter.
NASA tried to study him, but he kept hiding behind lawn furniture and claiming diplomatic immunity.
Epilogue: Mission Accomplished (More or Less)
And so, Gorgonzulo landed. Not with grandeur, not with fire, but with:
- A soft bounce
- A confused welcome
- And an excellent tan
He never went back to space. Not because he couldn’t — but because he’d found Earth’s gravity to be oddly cuddly.
Sometimes, late at night, he would hum to himself in frequencies no one could hear:
“I didn’t crash. I landed. Take that, Moon.”
🪐 Moral? 🪐
Honestly… none.
But if there were one, it might be:
Even a spinning rock with no plan, no brakes, and no idea what it’s doing… can still find a backyard to call home.
He didn’t crash—he boinged.
Note:
Thank you for reading “The Asteroid Who Decided to Land”! This is a story in a series created for avid readers and English learners who want to enjoy captivating tales while practicing their language skills. Stay tuned for more stories and language tips to enhance your journey!
Explore more short stories in English and Spanish by visiting the section:
Short Stories / Cuentos Cortos
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